My career in early childhood education continues to enrich my life in so many ways, and I’m so grateful that I have the opportunity to do work that I love that also makes a difference in the world. As I learn more and more about best practices and how we can help today’s children grow into tomorrow’s well-adjusted adults, I sometimes get ticked off that I didn’t have the early childhood experiences I could have had, and thus, my life has sometimes been harder than it needed to be.
Oh, well, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood,” as Tom Robbins said. Here I am at 47 learning new skills that I should have learned at three. Better late than never.
One thing I’ve taught preschool teachers throughout my various jobs is how to help children with problem solving and conflict resolution. It’s such a valuable skill, and it’s something I feel I missed out on over the first…35 years? of my life. So, each time I put my arm around a three-year-old girl who’s upset by something another child did or said to her, and I say, “You’re upset she took your crayon. Let’s go tell her you don’t like it when she does that and ask her to give your crayon back,” a little bit of me is pissed that nobody ever taught me this.
Somehow it took me forty-some years to learn the skill of identifying my needs and asking other people to do what I’d like them to do to help me meet my needs. Like I didn’t even KNOW what I needed for so long, and once I started learning what I needed, I was TERRIFIED to ask for it.
I could spend hours (okay, let’s be real, I have spent years) sifting through all the various experiences in my life that led me to this unhealthy place. But this post is about moving through it and learning new skills. Skills that preschoolers are learning now thanks to some great people and great programs I’ve had the privilege of working with.
So, I’ve been going to my local community center for about four years to do yoga. People can choose to become a member of the community center and be allowed to workout, use the pool, etc… for free, or you can choose to just pay a daily rate or buy a punch card that you use each time you actually go. Since I do yoga twice a week or so, and that’s all I do there, it’s less expensive for me to do the punch card.
If you’re a member, you have a membership card you swipe each time you walk in, and some robot says, “Welcome!” If you don’t have the membership card, the robot ignores you, which is rude, but anyway… I’m not a member, so I walk past the swipy machine and go on up to the yoga room and punch my card each time I go.
EXCEPT…a couple years ago they hired this woman who every. single. time. I go, yells after me, “MA’AM?! HEY! YOU! I DIDN’T SEE YOU SWIPE YOUR CARD!” And every single time, I point to my yoga mat, say sheepishly, “I’m here for yoga. I have a punch card.” And then she nods, like, “Okay, you shall pass.”
Then I go upstairs and feel like a misbehaving child who has been caught doing the naughty thing. I spend my workout wondering why this woman hates me and harasses me and feeling guilty even though I didn’t do anything wrong! Well, that alternating with wondering why she doesn’t stop attacking me because she remembers the 100 times we’ve ALREADY HAD THIS CONVERSATION.
I was talking with my co-workers the other day about how much this frustrates me, and one of them brilliantly asked, “Why don’t you talk to her about it?”
Huh.
You mean all those problem solving, conflict resolution skills I’m teaching preschoolers might work for ME? In my actual adult life?
So, the next time I went, I walked straight up to her, and she asked, “May I help you?”
And I said, “Yes. I come here a lot for yoga, and I’m not a member, so I don’t have a card to swipe. I have a punch card. And you stop me a lot because I don’t scan my card. Is there something different you’d like me to do? Like should I stop each time and show you my punch card?”
And she replied, “Oh, no, that’s not necessary. Just wave at me and say, “Yoga,” and go on up.
So, get this. The next time, as I passed by the desk, I caught her eye, waved at her, and said, “Yoga.”
And she smiled and waved back.
And I went upstairs SMILING. I went up to the yoga room happy from this pleasant exchange I’d just had with this woman who is just trying to do her job. And you guys? We’ve done this every day since.
I am DUMBFOUNDED.
Why did I make this so hard on myself for so long when it was completely unnecessary?!
I had to go back to work and tell my co-workers about the experience, and they were so proud of me. Proud of me for doing a thing that we’re working to teach three-year-olds.
Oh well. I’m still a work in progress. And it just goes to show, it really is never too late to have a happy childhood.